Dating columnist Annie Lord has built a career chronicling the intricacies of modern love, from her viral breakup memoir Notes on Heartbreak to her British Vogue dating column. Now, with her debut novel The Project, she turns to fiction, exploring the frustrations and absurdities of dating in the age of apps.
A novel born from dating frustrations
The Project follows best friends Daisy and Maya, two single women in their mid-20s living in south-east London. After years of terrible dates, they hatch a comical plan: if there are no decent men available, they will make one. Daisy decides to overhaul an underwhelming male friend named James, giving him a physical and emotional makeover — better clothes, therapy, feminist lectures, and a nice-fitting white T-shirt.
Lord says the idea sparked after a brief fling with a friend-of-a-friend who was “quite laddy and a bit of a nightmare” but had a sweet side. While writing another book, a friend joked that her next project should be about reinventing that man. Lord insists James is not based solely on that person: “He’s a mishmash of loads of men I’ve dated or known. The book is sort of a collage of my life.”
From breakup to bestseller
Lord’s career took off after a painful breakup in her mid-20s. She wrote an essay for Vice that went viral, leading to a book deal and the memoir Notes on Heartbreak (2023), which became a cult hit. Written with diary-like honesty, it established her as a voice for millennial and Gen Z dating. Her fortnightly Vogue column followed, documenting situationships, romantic confusion, and the surreal quest for love in London.
“I always say that us breaking up was one of the best things that could have happened to me,” Lord says. “It was from that that so many things just snowballed.”
Oversharing and its complications
Lord describes herself as an oversharer: “I’m not a very private person. I’m not easily humiliated — I put my pain on show.” That candour suited her Vogue column, but it came with complications. “There were definitely people I was seeing where it made things weird. People were sort of learning how I felt about something by reading it online.” She stopped the column in 2024 to prioritise her romantic life. “It was really exposing.”
Writing Notes on Heartbreak, which she says started as a “crazy, long, deranged letter to my ex,” required navigating her ex’s privacy. “There were a few things he wanted taken out. I already knew what he’d feel uncomfortable about. He’s a way more private person than me. But it was never a book where I was trash-talking my ex.”
Fiction as freedom
Lord finds fiction liberating. “I actually think writing fiction is almost more honest for me, because there are things that even I might be too embarrassed to attribute to myself that I can just say. I can write a sex scene and go into loads of detail because I don’t have to worry about embarrassing someone or invading their privacy.”
The Project captures contemporary dating with anthropological precision, drawing comparisons to Dolly Alderton, Helen Fielding, and Nora Ephron. Beneath its comic premise, the novel questions why so many intelligent, attractive women feel the dating market is fundamentally broken.
Dating app fatigue and heteropessimism
Lord observes a cultural shift. Terms like heteropessimism have entered mainstream discourse, dating app fatigue is widespread, and young women — including celebrities like Rosalía and Julia Fox — are identifying as celibate. A 2024 Vogue article titled Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? sparked debate, reflecting a growing sentiment that relationships are no longer the ultimate marker of success.
“I don’t know if it’s because the patriarchy has made women work on themselves so much,” Lord says. “Or because we’re raised to be more emotionally intelligent. But it does feel like women have done all this work and then finding someone who matches that is difficult.”
She largely stopped using dating apps herself. “Dating apps have infiltrated our brains. Even if you don’t meet someone through an app, often people treat each other as disposable because they’ve got the mindset of an app. People just flake on the day.”
Optimism for the future
Despite documenting heartbreak and disappointment for years, Lord remains optimistic. “I do think that one day I’m going to meet someone I really like and run off into the sunset. I feel actually weirdly more sure of that than ever.”
The Project by Annie Lord is published by Harvill on Thursday.
