Henna Patel, a 31-year-old non-binary nanny, found an unexpected ally in a four-year-old girl named Ana. While attending a community group at a church, a volunteer mistook Patel for Ana's mother. Ana quickly corrected the volunteer, proudly declaring, 'They is my nanny,' using Patel's correct pronouns.
Patel, who came out as non-binary in 2022, was taken aback by the child's confidence and support. 'I looked at Ana with a mix of confusion, pride, and joy,' Patel wrote. 'She had never met a non-binary person before I became her nanny.'
Coming Out Journey
Patel first began exploring she/they pronouns in 2022 after a period of self-discovery. This included a throuple relationship with two partners, Lex and Jordan, which helped Patel question the gender binary. 'I began to see that I thrive in the plurality of gender,' Patel said.
Coming out to friends was met with acceptance, but family reactions were more mixed. Patel chose to come out via a group chat, receiving responses ranging from 'so happy that this is right for you' to 'it will be harder for older generations to understand.'
Nannying and Gender
Patel transitioned from the charity sector to childcare in 2025, seeking the free and dynamic energy of children. Nannying quickly scratched a 'broody itch,' Patel said. With younger children, gender issues are simpler, but older kids like Ana are curious. When Ana asked, 'Why are you a they?' Patel explained, 'I'm not a boy, or a girl. I'm in the middle. Just a bit different.' Ana accepted this and continued playing, later affectionately calling Patel 'Henna Benna.'
Children as Allies
Patel noted that children approach gender with curiosity rather than hate. 'Kids like my niblings and Ana may ask those difficult questions bluntly, but they are always from a place of curiosity,' Patel wrote. Patel also shared that one of their niblings is being raised genderless by non-binary parents, and another calls them 'yifu,' a Cantonese term merging aunt and uncle.
Patel concluded that adults could learn from children's openness: 'We need to be more like the kids. With each new generation, this openness, curiosity, and questioning of the world becomes stronger.'
